Those who are new to the blog (and I know there are a few of you newcomers!) might not know just how certifiable I am. A regular sack-a-nuts at times. I think most creative people are. We just have a flaky streak, some longer and wider than others, I would imagine. I mostly keep mine under control, but there’s no doubt it’s there.
It is most noticeable when I go on my self-help-journey of the day, week month – however often the urge to be someone other than who I am strikes. It can be anything from deciding to lose weight, to getting my procrastinating down to a reasonable level, keeping my
studio junk room (let’s face it, if truth is to be told, it’s a junk room!) cleaned up…whatever it is about myself that I’m not enjoying at the moment.
And then I work up all this enthusiasm and rush off to conquer my demon, only to lose interest a week later (yeah, yeah, sometimes it’s a day!)
I was watching my 600lb Life the other day. I don’t normally watch reality shows, but this one has caught my interest. I love the concept of watching people go from such an extreme place of self-loathing to learning how to love themselves. But every once in awhile there is someone on who is totally lying to them self AND their doctor – refusing to see that they are NOT following the program and are wallowing in denial. This last show was one of those, and I began to wonder if that is what I’m doing. Claiming to be working so hard to improve (fill-in-the-blank) while really just going on about my business, pretending to myself that I am.
I feel like I’m on a merry-go-round rather than a path. I keep coming back to the same place over and over and over, and I’m getting a little weary of it. I’m tired of my excuses. I’m tired of revisiting the same issue with little to no progress.
This is where I normally have good cry and come up with a plan for how I’m going to get past it…whatever IT is as the moment.
Well. I’m not going to do it this time. Or at least not the way I usually do.
This time I’m just going to take a break and live with myself just the way I am. Me, Myself and I.
It comes at a good time. We’re going on another trip, so it’s no time to be trying to lose weight, or make the bed every day or any of the other things I might be tempted to make myself do. I’m just going to enjoy myself. I’m going to spend 6 weeks being mindful of what I put in my mouth (without depriving myself of the delicacies I want to try,) mindful that I need to be moving around (without actually getting on a piece of exercise equipment.) I’m going to pack a few art supplies with no expectations that I’ll actually use them, and see what happens. I’ll read if I feel like reading, with no goal that X number of books will be read by the time I get home.
I’m going to try to get to know me, and see if I like me just the way I am. Then when I get home, I’ll re-evaluate.
This no plan “plan” is one I can get excited about!