The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
I’ve heard it my whole life. And although I’m not completely convinced there is an actual road that leads to hell, the point is, intentions are only a good thing if you actually follow through. And me and following through are not exactly on a first name basis. In fact, if following through passed me on the street, she wouldn’t recognize me.
I’m trying to change that. At least I “intend” to. You can see how this might be a problem.
I’ve spoken many times on these pages about my need for adult supervision, and how getting some pretty much isn’t going to happen. So I need to come up with a plan B (or C or D – I’ve sorta lost track of where I am on that whole program.)
Rewarding myself doesn’t work. Punishing myself doesn’t work. I’ve been unable to come up with a real world person to hold me responsible, and you guys are enablers! I’ve tried talking sternly to myself. I’ve begged myself. But I just don’t listen to me. I seem to be addicted to being a slug, and to my knowledge there isn’t a 12-step for that!
I’d hoped the “Documented Life Project” would help me to do better with planning and following through, but I’m sitting here with now 2 MONTHS of the year gone and nothing written in it (for a number of reasons, but MOSTLY) because I don’t want to write something in pretty ink only to NOT follow through, then wish I hadn’t written it down. E-gads!
I wasn’t always like this! Well, at least not his bad, and the important stuff got done. Now, I guess there’s just little, if anything that is all that important. No one’s life depends on what I’m responsible for. I don’t have employees waiting for paychecks, or brides waiting for flowers, or the government wanting paperwork done. Everything I do is optional. Little of it comes with firm deadlines.
None the less, some of it DOES need to get done. I need to get my ATCs in to my art group. I need to do the little projects my grandkids have asked me to do for them. I REALLY need to do the repairs a friend or two have asked me to do for them. But I’m telling you, if it doesn’t come with a firm deadline, I’m gunna put it off.
I DON’T like this about me. It bothers me a lot. Apparently not enough to just force myself into changing it, at least not yet. Or maybe now is the time. Maybe just a day at a time. It’s too late for today, but I could make a list for tomorrow. Maybe just 3 or 4 things that I MAKE myself do, whether I want to or not.
Okay. My list:
1. Get my ATCs done and mailed
2. Go to the yoga studio, sign up for classes AND take a class (okay, this one is monumental! Extra props for this if I actually do it!)
3. Go to the credit union and pay my credit card bill (early) and then take some cash to Kohl’s and pay that bill (early as well.)
4. Restore order to the guest room (yeah, I’m back to using it as a staging area – gotta knock that off!)
Whoa, girl. Let’s not get carried away. 4 is enough for a 1st day.
Good grief, now I’m wondering if this whole plan is at odds with the decision just a few days ago to give my inner magpie more latitude?
Oh well, it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. I’m sort of excited to see if I can still MAKE myself do things if I set my mind to it. If day one goes well, I may even have a little contest with myself to see how much I can do the month of March!