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Inside My Head


My visit with my friend Renee included a peek at the “scary room” (my pet name for my messy studio!) along with my comment that as bad as it looks, it is a visual representation of what the inside of my brain looks like.

That thought is scary, but true. There is sooooooo much going on in there (both in the studio AND in my head,) and though I can usually find most everything in both places, it isn’t pretty and it CERTAINLY isn’t organized. No wonder I have such a hard time working AND sleeping!

I’ve been purposely avoiding the studio because the mess is causing me stress. And to be candid, I’ve been kinda trying to stay out of my head, too, for the same reason. But that RARELY lasts long (the head part, that is.)

And so as I started yet another  self-help book, I found myself wandering through my mind. Okay, disclaimer here – I wasn’t intentionally starting yet another self-help book. I THOUGHT I was going to reading about nutrition, but danged if the author didn’t get me THINKING about improving me right off the bat.

The book is called “UnDiet *The shiny, happy, vibrant, gluten-free, plant-based way to look better, feel better and live better each and every day.” Now what part of that would lead me to believe we were going to be exploring my mind?

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This gal, Meghan Telpner, is a scream. For starters, she wears fabulous jewelry, and how can you not just love at first sight someone wearing fabulous jewelry, right?

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Like Kris Carr (of Crazy, Sexy Diet fame) Meghan was prompted into healthy lifestyle changes by illness. The doctors told her there was no cure for what ailed her, and she’d have to learn to live with it at the ripe old age of 26. After trying for a couple of years, she called BS on that and set out on a nutritional journey that changed her life, and this book is the fruit of that labor.

I’m not going to pretend that I really think anything I’ll read in this book regarding nutrition will come as a big shock. I KNOW how to eat healthy. I just don’t always do it. But what is surprising/amazing to me is how she LOOKS at things, and even more so how she verbalizes her thoughts. AND I’m not sure I really comprehended how intertwined our thoughts, deeds and nutrition really are.

I am a big fan of Charles Swindoll’s statement about attitude being everything and have repeated it several times on these pages. Meghan agrees with the concept, but here’s how she put it – “And at the end of the day sometimes life does sucks monkey balls. That just means we’re going to have to love monkeys.” I laughed out loud on the spa chair in the salon!

Somehow in just a few minutes time, by mind was swirling with thoughts about how I treat myself, what I expect and don’t expect from myself, why it is so easy for me figure out how to be kind to strangers and so hard to extend that same kindness to me. I’m still not sure how my mind got from one place to another (it had to be a pretty convoluted path!) but next thing I knew, I was asking for nail polish on my fingernails, something I NEVER do because it looks like crap in three days. But so what? It’s no cheaper to do without, and if my fingers look cute for 2 days, then I need to spend three minutes taking the polish off, who cares?

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So, after an hour inside my head, a few laughs, and a little discomfort, I’m feeling ready. For what, I’m not completely sure yet. But something. Something about the way I live my life isn’t working for me. I’ve been drifting from day to day, enjoying life, to be sure, but with little intention. No clear goals, no way to measure success, and it’s been wearing at me. Day after day is going by without getting any closer to being the person I want to be, and it’s time to say “enough already!” I want to jump out of bed every day ready to make the most out of it. I want to look in the mirror and love the person who is looking back at me. I want to spread joy and build people up and make my little corner of the world a little brighter and a little happier every day.

It seems like I’ve been at this crossroad before. And I don’t know if I’m going round and round in circles, or there are just a lot of them out there that look the same. But whichever it is, I want this time to be different. I want to break through whatever it is that is holding me back, and get on with creating the life I want – no more fits and starts, no more lack of follow through. It’s time.

So me and my red fingernails are going to try to come up with a doable plan. And we’re going to start by actually finishing this book, and not putting any more crappy food in the bod, and sleeping a bit more, and moving more. That’s a good start. And it’s enough for now.

About tatterednworn

I am a woman who has committed to living a creative life.

6 responses »

  1. there’s a reason why many cultures use spiral mazes for meditating – we ALL come back around to the same thoughts over and over – ALL of us – so follow your path, I enjoy being able to travel with you!

    Reply
    • So glad to have you on the journey with me! I worry sometimes that by taking this circuitous route, I’m wasting a lot of time, but I guess if you’re not getting it the first time, you have to take the class over and over until you do!

      Reply
  2. Janet- thanks for the post. I may give that book a read as well. Me and my french manicure fingernails (which I also do myself altho it is a bit longer process than plain color) like the sound of it 😉

    Reply
    • Well, if nothing else, it’s a fun read. This gal has personality up the wazoo! But at the very least I’m going to continue working toward a vegan diet and go way light on wheat products. I really believe our diets are killing us.

      Reply
  3. Lol. I rarely get polish too for that very same reason!

    Reply
    • I didn’t even make it a whole day before a nail chipped, but they are so cute and cheery I’m going to tough it out a few more days I think. I don’t know WHY I’m so hard on them! Heeheehee!

      Reply

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