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I Cannot Have It All – I Have To Choose (and prioritize!)


Whoever said we can have it all, lied.

It’s not true. No one, and I mean NO ONE can have it all. Not even the most wealthy person on the planet. Now, the extremely wealthy can have a lot of it. A LOT. But even they cannot have it all.

Most of us have to make more choices, and we do it every day. We have finite resources, and we have to chose how to spend them. We have a finite amount of time, and we have to chose how to spend it. We have choices to make about where we work, who we marry, what political party to support, or whether we support any at all. We chose what to watch on tv, or whether we turn it on, or even whether to have one in the house! We have to chose whether or not to believe in God, and if we do, how much of our lives we give to Him and His work.

We have to chose where to live, what kind of lifestyle we will live, what we fill our lives with.

You get the picture. We get to, or even HAVE to chose. Or maybe we let choices be made for us by either refusing to chose and let whatever is going to happen in the absence of choosing, happen. But the point is, unless we are extremely passive and just flow through life, we have to make choices. Hell, sitting back and letting life just happen IS EVEN A CHOICE.

I have come to realize that more often than not, I’m making excuses rather than actual thought out choices.

By NOT choosing, I’m choosing. And I’m often not loving the outcome.

As I’m banging away on the keys, struggling for my fingers to keep up with my whirling mind, I’m cognizant of what a huge subject this is.

I have been doing a lot of planning and dreaming about what I want my life to look like, and I’ve been trying to take all the tiny pieces of things I want and create the mosaic of a life out of them. And you know what? I’m just beginning to see that just maybe, not all the pieces will fit. As much as I like that chuck of “fill in the blank” there are times when I am going to have to choose to either get rid of it, or tuck it away for awhile to see if it will fit someplace else. And even by choosing to tuck it away, I’m choosing to take up space that might be needed for something that WILL fit.

It’s all very complicated, and I swear, I’m not smoking any funny stuff! This is coming out of a clear brain on the verge of finally accepting a life truth. I cannot have it all. I have to choose.

So where did this all come from? It seems so random, but it’s really not. I have been paralyzed by my inability to choose, without realizing it was happening. I have been trying to stuff it all in, not only metaphorically, but physically, as well. As if by having the proper organizational supplies, I’d somehow be able to fit it all in.

Well, I can’t. Or at least not all at once. Maybe there will need to be seasons.

A friend made a list of all the things she needs to do, and asked the question, how do I fit it all in? I started to answer with a bunch of bull about getting organized, and breaking all the tasks in small, manageable pieces. But that’s all it is – bull. There is as much “physics” of time, as there is “physics” of space. It is not possible to do 48 hours worth of stuff in 24 hours. You can’t fit 10# of stuff in a 5# bag. You can try, I suppose. But it can’t be done. And all you end up doing is spinning your wheels.

But what you CAN do is choose. And maybe you can choose to do all the things, but just not in the same space in time.

So maybe in September you can focus on getting your house organized so that it runs more smoothly during the months when your main focus is on your art, or your art business. Maybe instead of going to every single sports activity your child is involved in, you can go to most of them. Maybe cooking 3 casseroles on the weekend would free up some time during the week for things other than cooking. And is it really so horrible to hire out the stuff you just abhor doing?

I’m just thinking out loud here. I’m not really trying to set up a plan at this moment. I’m just “mulling.”

And while I’m mulling I’m going to make some choices. In fact, I’ve already made a few in-between thoughts. I chose to throw away a shirt I really like because it has become even more stained than I can stand. I chose to re-frame a family photo because it had been sitting here not going onto the wall because it was in a frame that didn’t match the look I want. And the old frame went in the donate pile.

I’m not worrying about prioritizing today. I know I’m going to need to. But not today. Today I just want to concentrate on mindful choices.

I kinda like it. I had to choose between frugality/living with stuff I no longer wanted  -or- being (what I would call) “wasteful” but happier, and I chose the latter. That small choice took care of a tiny amount of clutter in my life. Imagine what would happen if I did that dozens of times a day…

I’m sure there will be more on this later. Seriously. I am feeling a major breakthrough coming on.

About tatterednworn

I am a woman who has committed to living a creative life.

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