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Structure is Apparently Essential In My World


I think I have mentioned this before. No, make that I KNOW I have mentioned it. This is NOT a new problem. (I hope you aren’t TOO bored going through it with me yet again!)

Left to my own devices, I fritter time away – and it’s gone with nothing to show for it.

I have allowed myself to wander mindlessly through unimportant, trivial pursuits, only to wish I had the time back, chastise myself for it, promise myself to do better, then turn around the next day and do it again. It’s as if a part of me thinks I have an unlimited amount of days left on this earth…

I am not a stupid person. I KNOW that supposedly when we do something over and over, there is some kind of a payoff for it, but I can’t for the life of me figure out what it is. I don’t like being mad at myself all the time. I don’t like being lazy when I have always prided myself on being an energetic, get-it-done kinda gal. Really I don’t.

2012 was a tough year for me, and 2013 has started out a little rocky, as well. Not all of the problems have been of my own making, and I have the right to have cut myself some slack. I may have needed the downtime. Even needed it badly. But it is time to move on. I expect myself to be able to accept my defeats, learn from them, and get about the business of actually accomplishing things once again. Tangible things. Things that mean something.

I guess this is a good time to remind myself of that.

I had hoped the new year would be the impetus to get back on track, but it wasn’t. Now Spring is right around the corner. A time of renewal and new beginnings. I’m feeling a little itchy. And a change of pace may be just what the doctor would order (which he may well might, were I inclined to go see one! Heeheehee!)

So. A plan. I need a plan. I will give myself a week to get it done. Then March 22nd, I expect myself to be refocused, armed with at least the beginnings of a road map for how to turn my “slugfulness” (how’s that for a made up word?) into activity.

map-w

Some structure. If I can’t have adult supervision, at least some structure to my days. I still may not know exactly where I’m going, but at least I know I need to move, and ANY direction is better than standing still.

About tatterednworn

I am a woman who has committed to living a creative life.

6 responses »

  1. Good luck with your Master plan.

    Reply
  2. Hi Janet, I found your blog on Kelly Rae’s Possibilitarian post. As I read your post I had to laugh as I glanced down at the quote I’d taped to my monitor. “In absence of clearly-defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia, until we ultimately become enslaved by it.” Robert Heinlein. My own recent reminder to define my goals.
    Good luck with your plan. I am on Facebook (Valerie Hogan) and have a page for my blog (All-Purpose Flower). Thanks, Valerie

    Reply
    • It’s nice to know I’m not alone and that there are many other artful souls struggling with the same issues! I’ll be looking you up – maybe we can encourage each other!

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      Reply
  3. Janet, I can fully relate to this. When I worked, I knew I had so many hours in the day to get everything done that had to get done. Now that I’m retired, I feel like I waste more time than I really intended to do. The only thing that really helps me is when I’m goal driven. Then I put my pedal to the metal and accomplish what I set out to do.

    Reply
    • That’s why “they” say if you need something done, give it to a busy person! I think my biggest challenge is finding the correct balance in my new life between having enough goals to keep me focused while allowing enough free time for goofing off. Right now, I’m heavy on goof off time!

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      Reply

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