I think I have mentioned this before. No, make that I KNOW I have mentioned it. This is NOT a new problem. (I hope you aren’t TOO bored going through it with me yet again!)
Left to my own devices, I fritter time away – and it’s gone with nothing to show for it.
I have allowed myself to wander mindlessly through unimportant, trivial pursuits, only to wish I had the time back, chastise myself for it, promise myself to do better, then turn around the next day and do it again. It’s as if a part of me thinks I have an unlimited amount of days left on this earth…
I am not a stupid person. I KNOW that supposedly when we do something over and over, there is some kind of a payoff for it, but I can’t for the life of me figure out what it is. I don’t like being mad at myself all the time. I don’t like being lazy when I have always prided myself on being an energetic, get-it-done kinda gal. Really I don’t.
2012 was a tough year for me, and 2013 has started out a little rocky, as well. Not all of the problems have been of my own making, and I have the right to have cut myself some slack. I may have needed the downtime. Even needed it badly. But it is time to move on. I expect myself to be able to accept my defeats, learn from them, and get about the business of actually accomplishing things once again. Tangible things. Things that mean something.
I guess this is a good time to remind myself of that.
I had hoped the new year would be the impetus to get back on track, but it wasn’t. Now Spring is right around the corner. A time of renewal and new beginnings. I’m feeling a little itchy. And a change of pace may be just what the doctor would order (which he may well might, were I inclined to go see one! Heeheehee!)
So. A plan. I need a plan. I will give myself a week to get it done. Then March 22nd, I expect myself to be refocused, armed with at least the beginnings of a road map for how to turn my “slugfulness” (how’s that for a made up word?) into activity.
Some structure. If I can’t have adult supervision, at least some structure to my days. I still may not know exactly where I’m going, but at least I know I need to move, and ANY direction is better than standing still.