I’ve been having a real problem with motivation lately. I have plenty to do. Even plenty that I WANT to do. But for some reason, I find my bottom glued to the throne. Yep, this is my throne. And it wouldn’t be so bad if a lot of action was occurring on the throne, but it isn’t. I mean, if I was spending my time learning how to use photoshop, for instance, I’d be okay with that. But there’s a whole lotta nuthin’ goin’ on.
I have everything I need to veg out close at hand. Computer…check. Table for setting my coffee/remote control on…check. Stack of Stampington magazines…check.
It’s getting to be a real problem for me. Normally I have so much energy. I’m up buzzing around, working on this and that. Lately all I want to do is park it on the throne. I’m surprised there isn’t an indentation on the seat that matches the contours of my behind. No, really. I’m not kidding.
But, the good news is I’m in the beginning stages of formulating a plan. I’ve been trying to self-diagnose my issues (and I’m sure there are many.) First and foremost, I’m continuing to be in a fair amount of pain, both from my back injury dating back nearly a year now, and my relatively new foot problem. I’m not going out on a limb by saying the pain is part (hopefully a BIG part) of what is keeping me down. Once I convince myself to get up and do something, it’s not long before I’m heading back to “rest.” Not good. As much as I’ve been hoping they would just spontaneously heal themselves, I’m conceding that the chances of that happening are slim and none. I will be making an appointment with my primary care physician (what’re you laughing about? I DO have one, even though she wouldn’t recognize me on the street it’s been so long since I’ve seen her) tomorrow.
I’m going to attempt a multi-pronged approach so that the steps are not one at a time, but several. That way, even while I’m waiting to see doctors, I’ll be working on other fronts.
The next most obvious one is to get back to using “to do” lists, so I’m at least setting goals for the day, rather than just floating along. Maybe if I look at a to do list for the day and see that I’ve done, let’s say roughly, NOTHING, I’ll feel guilty enough to do better the next day, especially since all the things that didn’t get checked off will move to the next day on top of all the the things that were there already.
I’m not kidding here. Day after day is going by with so little being accomplished, I’m beginning to think of myself as a slug. And that is NOT how I like to think of myself. I have always been very high energy. This newly slugfulness is just not working for me, especially since it has come at a time when I am a bit overwhelmed with how much I want to do in whatever remaining time I have left on this planet.
I was just telling Mr. Tattered a few days ago that until recently I had always figured I would be still be pretty darn productive and mobile at least until I hit 80. Now I’m wondering if that was a realistic assessment…and that freaks me out even more!
I’m assuming that a secondary issue is a bit of depression brought on (at least in part) by the overwhelming amount to do and the time to do it flying by. So which came first? Am I depressed because of the inactivity, or is the depression CAUSING the inactivity?
Anyone else dealing with this? Any thoughts on how to tackle the issue? I’m most certainly open to suggestions!