Welcome to Blogtoberfest Day #9!
Anyone who has been reading my blog for any length of time knows that I am on a creative journey, and that the more time goes by (I’ve been at this for over a year now!) the crazier I am driving myself trying to figure out what I want from life. Which is pretty nuts on its own, given that I haven’t gotten any younger this year!
So, I’m meandering about, not getting any sense of direction (other than pretty much determining that a business is out of the question.) I’m trying to just enjoy the ride and see where it takes me, but going with the flow seems to be something that is not a part of my DNA. Going with the flow makes me agitated. It adds to my discontent. I have almost always, at least in my adult life, had a plan. And a back-up plan. Something I was working toward. A measurable goal. Now I’m floundering. I remind myself of a fish flipping in and out of the water – when I’m in, I want out, when I’m out I struggle to get back in. I have few clues what I want or where I’m going. I have little idea of what the life I want to be living looks like (except that it is similar, but different – figure that one out!) Floundering. It’s the perfect word for what I’m doing.
I have way too many things going on at once. I’m stressed. And my old stress release (stuffing something in my mouth) is off the table. Above everything else, I am determined to shed these extra pounds.
I am in serious need of stress reduction. I am in serious need of having a plan. I am in serious need of having a goal. I am in serious need of restoring some order. Of feeling passion every day. I probably need adult supervision, too, but given that I tend to rebel against authority, I don’t see that working real well.
So. I was in the city this past weekend and stumbled upon a book called “The Happiness Project.” I curled up in a chair at Anthropologie awhile my daughter was shopping and started reading. OMG. She (Gretchen Rubin) was talking about me. Needless to say, I bought it on the spot.
To paraphrase, she had everything she could possibly want, but wasn’t appreciating it. She felt dissatisfied, like something was missing, yet knew how fortunate she was. She wanted to change herself, but accept herself. She wanted to use her time wisely, but wander and play more. Lots of paradoxes.
She was as big of a mess as I am! Full of contradictions and opposing desires.
Out of all these crazy thoughts, she birthed her “happiness project” – months of research followed by a year long attempt to get her life under control and come out the other end happier.
The book chronicles her own project, month by month, but it is also a blue print – the framework – for the reader to assemble their own “happiness project.” She puts forth her own “commandments” and “secrets of adulthood” and “resolutions” and encourages the reader to use them as a springboard for their own, personal ones. Then she launches into it, recording progress on one area the first month, and adding a new one each month, while continuing to monitor the ones from the earlier months…It gets a little crazy, but it seems to make sense. She starts in January, and I’ve read through March, and can see how this kind of accountability could be just what I need.
Or, I could start and not follow through. That would be just like me.
So. I’m reading. I’m taking notes. I’ve come up with the 12 areas I’d like to tackle. Baby steps. Enthusiasm building. I really can sorta see this working for me. Stick around. I’ll keep you posted! You can either watch my epic fail, or cheer me to victory. Either way it could be fun!