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Friendships Can Be Complicated

Do you have one of those friendships that is so complicated you kinda wonder why you don’t just cut the person lose?

I do.

We were very close. At one time we spent hours a night chatting over the internet. But, we’ve had a falling out. The reasons don’t really matter. To me they seem so trivial in the grand scheme of things. But not to her. I love my friend, and I would do nearly anything for her. Right now, that means leaving her alone. And as much as it hurts me, I’m giving her what she wants. I have no choice. You can’t make someone care about you the way you care about them.

But it’s just painful. I get to stand by and watch as she lives her life without me. Granted, I’m living mine without her as well, but it wasn’t my choice.

I wonder every day if she thinks about me. If she sees what I’m doing and is happy for me, or has just blocked me so she doesn’t have to watch. I think sometimes about blocking her, so I don’t have to have a visible reminder of the things I can’t share with her. But I don’t. I read everything she writes. I silently celebrate her victories, and wish I could comfort her when she’s sad.

I don’t know why she hasn’t unfriended me. I guess knowing that she hasn’t gives me hope that someday she’ll decide she wants to be a part of my life again.

“Never give up on someone you can’t go a day without thinking about.” I don’t know who said it, or if it is good advice or not, but I can’t go a day without thinking of her, so I can’t give up on her. Believe me, I’ve tried.

Have you encountered a situation like this? How did you handle it?

About tatterednworn

I am a woman who has committed to living a creative life.

6 responses »

  1. I am so sorry you are dealing with that, Janet. Yes, I have dealt with it too and to answer your question, I have handled it poorly and lost good people because of it. I have let them slide away, rather than demand details and argue the conflict out, and those lost relationships haunt me. I drive by the home of a once dear friend on a regular basis, and always wonder how she is, what is new in her life, yet I can no longer stop and catch up. And it does, indeed, hurt…Hugs and prayers to you, Janet.

    • Thanks, Sally. I am far from blameless in the situation, but my mistakes were born of caring. I can’t make her talk. As much as I would love for the next step to be mine, it’s not. I would swallow my pride in a heart beat. Thanks for sharing your story.


  2. I had this happen, too. It was her to cut me off because she didn’t need me any more (after all we said and did together and great times). Go figure. I know she cut her own mother and father out of her life and didn’t have a close relationship to anyone. Married three times. I’ve moved on and I decided it was her problem, not mine. I’ve made friends with new people where we’ve got a better friendship going than I ever had with HER.

  3. Janet, I’m sorry you are going through this right now, is it me? Just kidding. All kidding aside, I am sorry you are feeling this loss. A good friend and I parted ways many years ago and it was for the best because she actually was really really dishonest with me and actually stole from me and my parents…so she was clearly not who I thought she was – I am not sad anymore because it was many years ago…we clearly are not the same kind of people but at first I was very hurt and confused…now I’m glad she showed me who she really is. I hope you can reconcile with your friend if that is what’s meant to be.


    • Thanks, Jill. I hope we will, but I’m not holding my breath. It was more a series of small things that got magnified, I think. Not because of any terrible thing. I think that’s what makes it hard. It just wasn’t necessary. Or maybe for her it was. I don’t think I’ll ever know for sure. Thanks for trying to perk me up!

      Sent from my iPhone


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