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Losing Your Awesome and Getting It Back

Blogtoberfest Day #14
In my net surfing awhile back I ran across a post that really resonated with me, not only because I have 2 young granddaughters and a grandson who will have to face the world telling them they are not good enough, but because I remember well the world doing it to me. Click on the red words to see the original post – it’s worth the visit!
There was a time when you were five years old,
and you woke up full of awesome.
You knew you were awesome.
You loved yourself.
You thought you were beautiful,
even with missing teeth and messy hair and mismatched socks inside your grubby sneakers.
You loved your body, and the things it could do.
You thought you were strong.
You knew you were smart.
Do you still have it?
The awesome.
Did someone take it from you?
Did you let them?
Did you hand it over, because someone told you weren’t beautiful enough, thin enough, smart enough, good enough?
Why the hell would you listen to them?
Did you consider they might be full of shit?
Wouldn’t that be nuts, to tell my little girl below that in another five or ten years she might hate herself because she doesn’t look like a starving and Photoshopped fashion model?
Or even more bizarre, that she should be sexy over smart, beautiful over bold?
Are you freaking kidding me?
Look at her. She is full of awesome.
You were, once. Maybe you still are. Maybe you are in the process of getting it back.
All I know is that if you aren’t waking up feeling like this about yourself, you are really missing out.
Well, at some point in time, someone took my awesome, and for the vast majority of my life, I’ve struggled to get it back, only to have it snatched away as I was about to grasp it.
I think there are many of us who, for whatever reason, have let our awesomeness be stolen, either as child when we were defenseless, or as adults when we didn’t know we could refuse to give it up. I wish I hadn’t waited until so late in life to realize that you can regain it.
Now, all of a sudden, the stars have lined up and I’m gettin’ it back.
I am watching others my age and older who have refused to give in to old age, settling for a boring, predictable caricature of what an “older woman” is supposed to look like and behave like, and emulate them. Betsey Johnson is one of those women for me. Yeah, she’s a little out there sometimes, being a fashion icon and all, but she is a 69 year old grandma who still rocks it. If I want to wear younger fashions, I’m going to, even if I have to make them myself (because they aren’t made for women with breasts – one of the places where Betsey does us oldsters a disservice, as her stores cater  to the tiny sizes!)
I’m building a network of women friends (albeit mostly in cyberspace) who are validating me, supporting me, and encouraging me to be my awesome self.
I am listening to women like Melody Ross (of Brave Girl Club) who are wise beyond their years, telling us we are stronger than we think,
and brave enough to travel alone if we need to,
and able to start today from wherever we are.
I get affirmations from her several times a week in my in-box, reminding me (just in case I’ve forgotten since the last one!) that I am unique, and make a contribution – that I have value (I don’t know why it is so much easier to believe I don’t!)
Daily (sometimes more than once!) I am picturing myself just like the little girl above, feelin’ good about myself and lovin’ life.
Yeah, I’m gettin’ my awesome back, and this time, I’m keepin’ it!

About tatterednworn

I am a woman who has committed to living a creative life.

20 responses »

  1. Awesome Janet….just like you!!

  2. What a rocking post! I love it. Good for you sista!

  3. Janet, I am in awe of your awsomeness- I mean it!
    Clare xx

  4. Thank you again for sharing something “awesome” and inspiring. I am going to read this every morning and pass it on to my daughter, her daughter, and so many other women who need to read this. Pati Hannah

    • Thanks, Pati. When I 1st read this I immediately started telling my granddaughters just how awesome they are every day. I know it won’t be enough to keep them from listening to what the world tells them, but I’m hoping it will quiet the negative voices a little.

  5. So interesting Janet that I too found that post – and printed it out picture and all to share with my daughter, who is soon to become a mommy. That little girl pictured just rocked me out. How blessed to be so pure of spirit. I’m glad I’m not 5 yrs old today, but I would love to get that feeling back…Everything is still possible. And like you say, we shouldn’t have to conform to anyone else’s image just because we are of a certain age…or bust size! :)Thanks for sharing it!

    • You are so welcome Rhonda. That post had a profound effect on me, and coupled with everything else going on around me right now has contributed to a new feeling of “awesomeness” I just needed to acknowledge!

  6. Oh Wow! Janet, this post really touched me. I am so moved, and a lttle sad…Somewhere along the way,I lost my awesome too! I want itt back! Thank you for reminding me, it was just so long ago…

    • That’s just how I felt when I read the read the original post, Sally! Now I carry that picture around with me in my mind, and I’m determined to feel like that some day! I’m so glad to have you in my tribe! We’ll get there!

  7. I love this post! Every once in a while I get a chance to see what others really think of me (not what I imagine they think of me) and I’m always blown away. I’ve got a really supportive group of friends now and they see the awesome in me that I thought I lost long ago :) And now, after seeing that fantastic photo of a girl clearly in the know about how awesome she really is…I’m gonna stop being afraid and just let the awesome out.

    Thanks for the encouragement :)

  8. Janet, maybe we should create a new holiday called “Because I’m Awesome” Day…and really celebrate ourselves. Cuz we are all soooo awesome! :)

  9. HOW do I begin to find even a glimmer of my ‘awesome’ after 50 years???? Where do I begin??

    • Well, you just DO it! Stop worrying about what anyone thinks, and just find the you that you’ve hidden inside all these years! You can do it! She’s still there, I promise you. Start with a pair of flashy shoes or an outfit you think is too young for you! Good luck!


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